I've really only received responses from women but I'm glad Treyningday.com replied! Pretty awesome blog...check it out.
Is there not a difference between a "Successful Black Woman"(SBW) and an "Independent Black Woman"(IBW). For me saying I am a "Successful Black Woman" means yes, I'm educated and have had success in various parts of my life. For me to label myself as an "Independent Black Woman" the connotation is I want to be independent and I'm paying for myself. Successful, in my mind, is a fact of the matter, independent has a prideful connotation which often comes off as "I don't need a man!" <----NOT what I was describing in my recent blogs, but a point I'd like to bring up for those who find the two descriptions synonymous. A prime example is Michelle Obama (go to for every Black female nowadays) as an SBW. She doesn't portray herself as an IBW by any means. She LOVES her husband, and is capable of doing all her wifely/motherly duties while flawlessly exemplifying her success without seeming weak or submissive. With that being said, ladies be careful how you portray yourself, SBW or IBW. We are quick to go through a break-up or have some boy piss us off and tweet "N.A.S." or "I can be happy all by myself, I don't need a man to make me happy."
Also, this thing of "picking and choosing" keeps coming up, but I'm not sure what we're picking and choosing. If I'm letting go of the inferior, under-educated history of the female? Is education my cake? I'm not asking you to do anything different. I just want to still be treated like my dad and my granddaddies treated their wives. Bite the bullet fellas, there are some things that you have to endure because you're a man. For example, boys never are supposed to hit girls, men are expected to be able to lift heavy things, women want YOU to ask them out explicitly (we may suggest it but it's on YOU to do "the ask"), and regardless of whether she's making 5 times your salary, you should pay on the first date (Note: the First Date should be out in public, not your dorm, apartment, or house).
Yeah, there are IBW who value their education and accomplishments more than relationships and love. They aren't going to let you give up your seat or open the door for them, and may be offended by your offer. Some may even WANT to have dates at the house instead of taking them out. As stated numerous times, "communication is key." But we SBW would still appreciate the benefit of the doubt that we want you to be traditional, chivalrous, whatever you'd like to call it. We would hate for acquisition of higher education should to shadow our desire to be treated "like a lady".
ahhhh shoot, I did use independence and success interchangeably. To me, they've always been one in the same but when you explain the difference, it kind of negates my argument lol.
ReplyDeleteand I completely agree with a lot of what you have said. In watching how my grandfather treats my grandmother, I've learned that there are some things that women deserve for simply being women...chivalry being one of them.
but all in all, i think there is a growing disconnect between black men and women in general, aside from the dating scene. Just a lack of understanding and support for one another and all'at jazz